The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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