He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
