All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
