my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
