you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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