My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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