we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
