Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
