My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
