Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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