when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
