watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
