i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Mom said you looked used
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
