we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
