I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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