I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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