What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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