I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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