Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
