and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
