Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
