not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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