Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
