Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize