I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
