Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
