Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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