You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
