i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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