My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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