you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
