He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
These tits shall not be calmed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
