There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i need some magic done to my vagina
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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