Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
