I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Randomize
