She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
