So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
