my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
