My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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