Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
