Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
