I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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