dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
