Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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