I hate all girls vehemently.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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