So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
