I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
