I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
