Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize