You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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