Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
