I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
