So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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