Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
