Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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