One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
