grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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