Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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