First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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